D. Hart St. Martin

I make female heroes badass AND believable

writing fantasy

Confession

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Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Since I was in my early 30s, I’ve known I had a story to tell, a memoir to write, but I’ve avoided it because fear and self-loathing have shackled me. This story I have to tell takes place in my ninth grade year in school. I was 14 going on 15. It was the year JFK was assassinated. It was the year of the Beatles. And it was the year all my ambitions dissolved into nothing, in part because of something an old man in my church—an old man with authority—said to me. This year was the effing end of my story!

But I needed to get this story out of my gut, spew it out, so to speak. Unfortunately, the process of memoir—writing a piece at a time and figuring out when you’ve got enough pieces what the theme actually is and then organizing those pieces based on that—runs counter to my very literal, very linear personal process. I fought the fight, but I lost. And continued to work on my Lisen of Solsta series, now done.

Then, about a year-and-a-half ago, I came up with a brilliant idea. What if I placed a character based entirely on me into a setting I know well—a YA fantasy? Was it possible? Could I do it? I began building my world and my protagonist—Mari, a 15-year-old fat girl with low self-esteem and a narcissistic mother, who finds an escape into an alternate reality of sorts and gains there what she lacks on earth. Where Lisen was the me I wished I’d been in my teens, Mari is me at 15.

Mari and I became friends. We talk nearly every night. We talk about the current movement of the story and where to take it next. When I’m stuck with a plot hole I can’t seem to climb out of, I turn to her. She is, essentially, my inner child, but in separating her from me ever so slightly, I have made it possible for me to talk to that child, respect that child, encourage that child. Now this is all psychological stuff which my therapist is applauding in me, but bit by bit a story has formed. And the one thing I have demanded of the story is to give Mari the redemption, the resolution, I never got. Because I’ve promised her this, and this is a promise I don’t want to break.

It hasn’t been the easiest of journeys. I’ve had to dig deep and give Mari all my flaws. But while doing so I’ve also discovered some wonderful things about her (me), and I like her. A lot. As I approached the end of the draft where I’d be sending it out to beta readers, my anxiety disorder ticked up to a constant attack. I’m dizzy and having palpitations with a queasy stomach. Now this anxiety disorder is the direct result of a life, especially as a very young child, spent with that narcissistic mother who knew how to care for me but had no interest in my personhood and was incapable of love. (It’s all in the book, or if not there, it will eventually show up in the series.)

The book is now out to my betas. This is always a difficult time for any writer. In this case for me, however, I have eviscerated myself on the page. It’s never been this personal before. And I held back telling my betas what this book was really about. Until now.

I lost it last night. I had to make the anxiety stop so I messaged each of them and told them to stop reading. They refused and asked to know why. I told them. Or am telling them now. It’s my story, all right. Mari Spencer is me. Chloe Spencer is my mother. All that stuff she does when Mari’s at home—that all happened to me.

So there you are, my confession. I have to do this, write my story down. I had to get all that vile, ugly stuff out of me before I die. And at my age, that ain’t so far away now. Blessed be, friends. It ain’t a sprint, it’s a marathon.

Anxiety – A Very Personal Post

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Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

I think almost all writers and other creative types suffer from some form of insecurity about their work. But I also believe that many of us who fight the good fight to get our stuff out of our heads and into the world, whether in words or the physical arts, struggle with some degree or another of mental illness. For me, the demon is chronic anxiety. Today I shall combine the two and write about my fear to show you how anxiety affects me.

Anxiety can freeze me to the spot. Anxiety can grip me by its ruthless talons and strangle the life out of me, and all I can do is sit there, frozen in place, helpless and unable to cry out. It fucking owns me, this anxiety. It has a hold on my soul that is relentless, and I am powerless against it.

I’ve lived with anxiety all my life but didn’t know that was what was wrong with me until I was in my 50s. I had seen therapist after therapist, and they were definitely helpful but offered no diagnosis, allowing my assumption I was depressed to prevail. I’d seen a couple of psychiatrists along the way as well who’d gone along with the clinical depression diagnosis. And then I saw this one guy who, after asking several questions, told me I had chronic anxiety. I walked away from that appointment nodding my head. Finally it all made sense.

Since then, I’ve watched myself cycle back and forth between barely anxious and anxious as shit. Often my anxiety has a reason I can pinpoint—electrical problem in the house, car making a strange noise even if only once, a physical ailment refractory to treatment. For these specific sources, I seek out solutions to ease those feelings I wish I could crawl out of my skin and out of my life to escape. And once the solution is achieved, I can relax. Mostly.

But then there are the I’m-anxious-and-I-don’t-know-why moments. It just hits me like an anvil over my head and I’m there and I can’t resolve it. I can’t logic-it-out. (Well, the truth is anxiety can’t be “logicked out” regardless, but understanding the source carries with it some comfort.) It simply is. It’s like the sky is falling, and I can’t stop it. There’s no reason for me to believe the sky is falling, but trust me when I say it is.

I have learned how to box anxiety up and set it to the side. I can tell myself what’s bothering me isn’t as real or as heavy or as frightening as it seems, that it’s feelings without substance and I don’t have to give it my attention. Sometimes that works, and rather well, actually. Other times, not so much.

What I’m trying to say is anxiety is real, and it can be debilitating, destructive. It hurts and it shuts me down to the point where all I can do is sit in one spot never moving. It’s not a life I’d wish on anyone, but there it is—my life, as it is.

Interview – J. Conrad

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J. Conrad

J. Conrad, a fiction author who was born in St. Louis, and I have been following each other for years on Facebook and now Twitter. About ten years ago, when she started writing her first fantasy series, she only knew she wanted to write. After finishing a lot more books and doing a little soul searching, she realized a subconscious desire to teach lessons about human nature was what dragged her to the keyboard every day. That’s where her primary inspiration comes from, and she’s found putting it to use is the best feeling in the world.

J. and her brilliant husband currently live in Louisiana, but she dreams of moving back to Texas where they’ll live forever in a cute house amidst a field of bluebonnets.

J. loves connecting with readers and other authors. Feel free to contact her in the following ways on Facebook, Twitter, and, in particular her great website.

Hart: You write in several genres. Tell us a bit about how that works for you and what attracted you to those genres.

J.: Writing in several genres actually came about as an experiment. I consider myself a young adult fantasy author, but young adult is a much smaller market than some others, such as mystery, thriller, and romance. Thriller was the larger genre in which I could tolerate writing, so in 2017 I wrote Blood Red Winter. Interestingly, because I didn’t love it as much as fantasy, it was easier to be more objective about my own writing. My experiment was a success and that book outsold every other book combined I’ve written to date. I learned so much about writing and marketing from the experience it was worth the effort. I might even do a new thriller series, but I’ll always come back to fantasy.

H: My favorite genre (she says with a smile). Do you schedule time for your writing? Or do you just grab the odd minute or hour when it makes itself available to you?

J: For the most part I try to stick to a schedule. Currently I’m writing in the afternoon, and I have a minimum daily word count quota of two thousand words. If I stick to this routine, I can have a rough draft in about two months. This has been workable for staying productive while not getting burned out, but I’m trying to develop an even better schedule which will allow me to write in the morning as well, with a break in between. I’d love to become proficient at writing great books faster over the next couple years.

H: What research do you find absolutely necessary to keeping your story authentic?

J: It depends on the story, but with my fantasy novels I think one of the biggest points is researching the time period in which the story is set and making sure I don’t accidentally add anachronisms. Especially in the dialogue, it’s incredibly easy to do and sometimes tricky to spot, because we don’t always realize how relatively new some of the phrases we use in everyday speech are.

For example, my Cinderella retelling series, The Joining, is set in an imaginary place, but the time period roughly corresponds to what we might think of as the late 18th century—but without firearms. They don’t have guns in Edim. I have to be mindful not to use common idioms which have derived from the use of firearms (there are more than one might think!). Also, the main character has telepathic ability with animals and Fae, but the word “telepathy” didn’t come about until the late 19th century. So, I use the term “thought-speak” instead. Since Edim isn’t a real place, I have some liberty, but it wouldn’t feel the same to readers without the right language.

H: I totally get that. Things like the verb “trigger” are out in my books as well. Tell me, how do you see the role of women in fiction these days?

J: I see the role of women in fiction as one which teaches that because women are insightful and observant, they often find their own unique solutions to complex problems. Might isn’t always right, and sometimes actually giving a damn about the opposing party wins the day. Exhibiting emotional depth and looking beyond the surface manifestations of life isn’t a sign of weakness, but humanity. Women often exemplify the most human quality of being able to emphasize with others. Yes, there are differences between women and men, but different doesn’t mean better or worse. I believe our female fictional characters help to show that.

H: So true. In depicting battles and wars in my books, I’ve endeavored to give them the “feminine” edge, showing a battle, but then opening up negotiations. That sort of thing. And how do you promote women in your work?

J: With the exception of one thriller novel, all my books center around women and their relationships with one another. I think in some ways, women bond more deeply with other women than they do with men. Think of that best friend you’ve had since high school, a sister you’re close to, or a mother and daughter. Those bonds are unbreakable. Growing up, I loved reading stories such as The Mists of Avalon, a story of King Arthur but told only from the viewpoint of the women. Now in my own writing, I love to teach lessons through the interaction of female characters and the strength of their spirit.

H: Yes, The Mists of Avalon was a real eye-opener for me as well. Do you have a current release to share with us?

J: Yes, Cinders and Fae is the second book of the current series I’m working on. It’s a Cinderella retelling with fairies, shifters, witches, animals, and lots of magic. The main character Elin Kendrick is part Fae, and her prince Trystan is a wolf. Elin is telepathic, but only with animals and Fae. Trystan is a shifter who hides this fact from most humans, including his own father King Odswin. He was raised in secret by his mother, the queen of the wolves. In book 2, Elin and Trystan plan on marrying, but the Fae Queen is challenging Elin’s lineage since she’s only one-quarter Fae—she must prove herself by manifesting her inborn Fae abilities which thus far have eluded her. This is a clean fairy tale telling and not a steamy shifter book, suitable for just about anyone who likes fantasy. Cinders and Fae is currently up for preorder and will release on July 11th. Here’s the blurb:

What really happened after the ball?

My bloodline is in question, my marriage to my wolf fiancé forbidden by the Fae Queen unless I pull off near-impossible feats of magic to prove myself. Can I truly change my stepmother into a human… and turn her evil heart to good?

As time slips away toward my deadline of the spring equinox, I’m losing hope. But after the castle is attacked, I meet with Trystan secretly and make wedding plans against the queen’s orders. All I have to do is show up at the appointed time.

But I still need a way to escape my assignment, and I’m terrified what our decision means. If I marry Trystan now, I might be imprisoned—or worse. But if I play by the rules and fail the Fae queen’s test, she swears she’ll marry my fiancé to a more suitable bride—my own mother! How can I make a choice that won’t end in losing the two people I care about most?”

Thank you so much for interviewing me on your blog, Hart! I absolutely loved your  Lisen of Solsta series and I’m looking forward to reading more of your books in the future!

H: Thank you for taking the time to talk to me today. And thanks for the kind words.

Point of View

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Old drafts die hard

Let me begin by saying this is not a lecture on the variations of POV or how to maintain a consistent POV or anything like that. This is, instead, the story of a decision I made a week ago to change the POV in my current work in progress from limited third to limited first and in essence junking previous drafts. I am, not coincidentally, also shifting the tense of my novel from past to present.

I jumped into this decision (well, not jumped exactly—I did consider it carefully first) knowing it would require some work. I did not, however, believe it could be all that difficult. In the past, I’d moved characters from one geographic location to another, deleting them from scenes in the initial setting and inserting them into scenes in the new location. It’s work because the information each scene provides must be preserved, and the character can’t look like they’ve been dumped into a scene (or scenes) they hadn’t occupied in the initial draft(s). Now, that’s complicated. But that change in pronouns and tense? Easy.

Not so fast. What I’ve come up against is the reality that my POV character (both in third and first person) has a distinctive voice and tone, both of which are dominating a myriad of little changes in the text now that she is the official narrator. Mari, my hero and now narrator, is fifteen years old and a contradiction in every way. She is bright, witty, snarky and insecure to the max. She suffers from more low self-esteem than your average teen, and she’s subject to occasional painful rages. All of this has risen up in the text now that she’s doing the talking.

I love how it’s turning out. I’ve just completed reading the first chapter aloud, and it’s working. I think. We authors are an insecure lot, aren’t we?

Interview – Chris Rosser

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Chris Rosser

Chris Rosser is an indie author based in Melbourne, Australia. Originally from Wales, he moved to Australia as a child, where he was educated and has mostly lived, albeit with several years’ worth of travel. Today, he’s married with three kids and toils away his days as a technical writer for a multinational financial services company. And did I mention he’s a great friend, confidant and co-conspirator I originally met on Twitter?

Hart: Tell us a bit about yourself, Chris.

Chris: I’ve been writing stories as long as I can remember. Yet, for much of my youth, I chased the dream of being an archaeologist. Eventually, I realised that what attracted me to archaeology and history was a love of story and narrative…so I righted the ship, painfully but for the better.
In addition to my books, I run a modestly successful blog over at chrisrosser.net, where I write articles, app reviews and the occasional tutorial – basically whatever takes my fancy.

You can also find me on Twitter, where I spend half my time with the #WritingCommunity and the other half trolling Australia’s rotten politicians. I have a lot of fun doing both!

H: What genre or genres do you write in? What attracted you to that genre? Do you read more books in that genre, or do you indulge in genres outside your speciality?

C: I write fantasy—it’s my first and most enduring love as a writer. While I lean towards gritty realism and dark themes, I don’t know if I’d label my work as Grimdark. I’m not shy of swearing or including sex scenes where necessary, so I don’t think I qualify as YA either! I’m something of a romantic and have long been enthralled by tales of high adventure and magic, things which are exceedingly scarce in our own world—but I’m not afraid to make my characters’ lives bloody awful.

As a reader, my tastes are generally broad, and I read much less fantasy than I used to. I’m also just as likely to listen to audiobooks as sit down and read one made of paper. I love contemporary thrillers, historical fiction, sci-fi and British murder mysteries.

I’ve dabbled in writing other genres. A year ago, I wrapped up the first draft of a modern techno-thriller set in Chicago. I’m also sitting on a historical adventure novel set in 17th Century Italy. Both are gathering dust, and I haven’t decided what to do with them.

H: Do you schedule time for your writing? or do you just grab the odd minute or hour?

C: Being a dad of special needs kids, and working full time, makes it really hard to schedule time. Last year, I tried Sunday afternoons, but life kept throwing obstacles in my path. So, I mostly snatch the time when I can, and usually, that means on the commute into work (if I can get a seat on the train) or into the night after my kids have gone to sleep.

H: What research do you find absolutely necessary to keeping your story authentic?

C: I studied archaeology and history as an undergraduate, which helps a lot when you are writing historical analogues as I do in my fantasy setting. I learnt that much of our assumptions about historical societies—particularly the middle ages—are wrong and based mostly on stereotypes portrayed in film and television. I spent a lot of time reading and analysing primary sources by classical and medieval writers, and it did wonders to build up a picture in my mind of how societies really worked and how people thought.

Unfortunately, these days my time is too limited to spend hours lovingly researching and world-building, so I tend to rely on accumulated knowledge, or I make things up on the fly. It hasn’t hurt my setting, but I admit if I were writing historical fiction, I’d have to dust off those sources again. Then again, that’s one of the reasons why I love writing fantasy—I don’t have to be a slave to facts.

Still, research is essential because if you don’t know what you are talking about, a reader will see through it immediately. So when I do research, it’s usually on subjects of which I have little personal experiences, like sailing or horse riding.

H: How do you see the role of women in fiction these days? How do you promote women in your work?

C: Fantasy has long had a problem with women. For a long time, women were either written as tired clichés—spoilt princesses, warrior maidens, whores—or they were omitted and marginalised, like in Lord of the Rings. Books were always about men on quests, or boys becoming great heroes—a place for young men and boys to live out their fantasies by proxy.

I hope it’s changing. I see strong women abound in novels and their TV adaptations. But part of me feels there’s still an element of objectification to women in fantasy.

George R.R. Martin did wonders to break taboos in the genre, but since HBO got their hands on the series, sex, violence, and sexual violence in particular in the genre have exploded.

I’m by no means a prude, and I certainly explore sexuality in my books, but for many authors and screenwriters rape has become a staple of female character development, and quite frankly I find it abhorrent.

Fortunately, I spent a lot of my formative years reading books by women, and about women—stories like The Mists of Avalon and The Clan of the Cave Bear. They’ve really stuck with me over the years for their portrayal of the world through a woman’s eyes.

As for me, my stories reflect my real life experiences. I’ve been surrounded by amazing, talented and wonderful women for most of my life. When I originally wrote Weaver of Dreams back in 2004, it was meant as a present for my younger sister, so I chose to make my protagonist a young woman. Not only did it challenge me as a young writer, but it tested my assumptions about the genre. It taught me I could write epic fantasy, with all the action and magic that lovers of the genre expect, but I could do so with a vulnerable young woman at the helm who doesn’t have to morph into a Xena/Red Sonja clone to be a strong character.

Ever since, I’ve tried to make my female characters every bit as rounded and exciting as the males — perhaps more so, because I have to work a little harder.

H: Do you have a current release you’d like to promote?

C: I’m juggling a lot at the moment. As you read this, I’m very close to publishing my second book, Cadoc’s Contract, and launching a new podcast.

Cadoc’s Contract is actually set before my first book, The Weaver’s Boy—blame the muse. It tells the story of how Cadoc became the Lord of Skeinhold. He’s a veteran limping home from a bloody crusade and is struggling to adjust—not least because he’s got a dark secret and owes a blood debt to the gods. I’m really proud of how the story’s turned out, and I think it will make a great prelude to the series.

That Timey-Wimey Thing

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That’s my mess

With first draft done on my WIP, I have begun rewrite. I totally pantsed this one. Lots of notes in a notebook with a ton of Post-Its used to tag the stuff I’ll need eventually, but no outline, no 4 x 6 cards. I love that notebook, messy as it is. It’s a window into the process and a reminder of how far I have yet to go. (And yes, that’s a Wikipedia article on Komodo dragons slipped between the pages. Let that whet your appetite.)

But pantsing presents its own perils, one of which is the fact that one often can’t paint oneself out of a corner until she’s actually painted herself into it first. Well into it. Into it to the point where there are three coats of paint waiting to dry and there’s no getting out until the true color of the paint reveals itself and allows the painter to walk out without marring the finish.

In my case, the corner was a time thing. Or, rather, two time things.

Let me state right off that my current WIP is not a time-travel story. It is a story of a young woman who travels back and forth between earth and another world via a magic gateway (of sorts). But as I wrote, time became an issue. Or issues.

First, I needed time to pass normally wherever my hero (and sole POV character) happened to be at the moment, but no time could pass where she wasn’t until she was there again. This was easy. I gave her companion—a woman who appears to have traveled through the gateway many times before the story begins—a single line which will likely show up at the beginning of the second book. “It’s as though time holds our place and brings us back to precisely when we were last.” One problem solved.

Then there was the other thing. My hero must age from fifteen to eighteen from the beginning of the series to the end, but I don’t want to write a dozen books to get there. I’ve had certain “adventures” set out for her for a while now, and I hoped I wouldn’t have to expand on them. And yet, how do I get her from fifteen to eighteen without filling her days both on earth and in the alternate world with adventure?

I was stuck. I had story enough for four books, maybe five, but needed more to fill the holes created by the extended time required to let her mature. I knew how to get her from book 1 to book 2 with a five-month gap between stories, but I couldn’t use an angry separation between my hero and another main character every time. I’m a writer. I tell stories. I have to be original.

I looked to C.S. Lewis and his Chronicles of Narnia. He succeeded in bridging time by aging the children out and using a different method of accessing Narnia in each book. I had one hero whom I planned on aging out but not until I resolved her story and could end the series. I also had one means of transporting her back and forth which I rather liked and didn’t want to change. Especially since it includes another character I want to keep.

The “gateway” perhaps?

Turning to Lewis did prove helpful, however. I allowed the gateway to become an impulsive entity, sometimes receptive, sometimes not—and, hence, unavailable until it was ready—forcing my hero to repeatedly request access over time unsuccessfully until the gateway relented. And that eliminated the second problem.

I love the muse, don’t you?